Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Its' a New Year!

I keep saying how I can't believe how fast time flies. It's been over a year since I've updated this; Thanks Lindy for the reminder! ;0)

Dres is half way through Kindergarten and LOVING IT. He has a wonderful teacher, Mrs. Karr, who is amazing with them all. He enjoys engineering (playing and building with Legos) and also PE. He has also started to read in the past month and I couldn't more excited. I studied this stage last year in grad school but to see it actually happening is a completely different experience. He is coming right along and I am elated.

I finished grad school at George Fox University back in June '11 and graduated with straight A's. Not to toot my own horn or anything but I was pretty stoked. In all my years of school, straight A's seemed impossible for me. (Okay, I can't lie. I did get one A- but I didn't agree with it.) Grad school was tough but I am so glad that I did it and can look back at my experiences, lessons learned and passion found in the classroom. I have yet to have a classroom of my own but I KNOW God is in charge of that one. I also met some pretty fun people along the way, including students who snagged my heart pretty quickly. I will forever be indebted to Wendy and Melissa for teaching me tricks of the trade and being more patient with me than I knew possible. I miss seeing you both very much.

Rob's health had hit rock bottom in this past month Dec '11/Jan '12. I was preparing my mind to become a widow and was grasping for my faith in God every hour it seemed. I was seeking guidance from our church, The Pursuit and going each Sunday was my saving grace. I felt that the Holy Spirit would seek me out there and chill my core to tears. I was trying to do it all, keep it altogether for the past year and some days, I'd just break down emotionally in a quiet place. I was begging God to have mercy on my husband as he was in unbearable pain every single day, despite the extremely heavy pain meds he was on. He had closed himself off in our office, put a blanket up over the window to block out any light and would only get up to vomit. He had stopped eating since the pain had taken away his appetite. My 6'6, 210 pound husband was withering away to a 160lb frail & pail body who was also hunched over to about 6' resembling an 80 year-old man. Dresden would often ask "Why is Daddy so sick? Why can't Daddy play with me anymore? Why can't Daddy even hug me back when he lays there in bed?"
My heart was slowly breaking for this little boy who simply didn't understand what was happening. I was trying to keep life as normal as possible for him as we went everywhere together to keep our spirits lifted.

A couple of guys from our church even stopped by to see the devastation in Rob for themselves. They encouraged me to press on and be what Dresden needed as God would work in Rob. I was feeling more helpless for him with each pressing day. I was getting to the point where I was afraid to open the office door in the case that my husband had passed away in the night.

Over Christmas, beginning December 12th, we had received a delivery where no one was at the door. Deliveries continued all the way up til Christmas; each one anonymous. Gifts, cards, cash etc. I had posted daily on Facebook what it was like. SURREAL. It was as though the hand of God was at work here. The magic of Christmas was alive in Dresden's face with each delivery. The joy in Dres alone was such a gift for me. With Rob and I both unemployed, things have been tight. God was providing our needs but He made it apparent that we were to be blessed beyond our needs during this time. By Christmas day, I felt overwhelmed with emotion, knowing that God was showering US on His son's birthday. Talk about a generous God.

In the timeline scheme of things, I know that I am leaving tons out but here we are January 10th, 2012. Last week, we had received a letter in the mail from our counselor at church who was granting us a FREE visit to see this doctor for an evaluation. He didn't practice traditional medicine but was wondering if he could help. So I read the letter to Rob as he laid in a ball in the dark. Although I had a glimpse of hope, Rob was barely functioning. I agreed to call them to see what it was about. The next day, we went in and he was a chiropractor who dealt in healing the Central Nervous System which runs up and down the spinal cord. He looks for pressure points to match up where there are problems in the body. Surprisingly, he evaluated us both for FREE. I was reluctant because I really wanted Rob to receive all of the care but I was so thankful Dr. B insisted since I have suffered from headaches and migraines which were becoming more frequent. Sure enough, he found where Rob's blood flow had been cut off in his spine to his kidneys, causing death like pain. He also found pressure in my neck and shoulders causing my headaches. We went away that afternoon with more hope than ever. We were scheduled to return the very next morning, first thing.

I had awakened with a headache coming on strong and I was anxious for Rob to get relief. When I entered the office to get him, he said he was so weak that I needed to reschedule. (very common in past appointments) I was putting my foot down on this one and told him that I had a headache and we needed to go. He said I could go alone and I responded "not an option." We both needed to go and I asked him not to do this to me. With that, he got up. An hour later, he was walking in hunched over. Dr. B adjusted him and when Rob stood up, he was not only straight & tall but he was smiling; something that had gone M.I.A. for a very long time. He said his pain was immediately GONE.

We are not only talking about 10 years of medical bills but the past year of seeing numerous doctors & specialists, a year of kidney pain where Rob felt like a knife was always in his back, a year of being misdiagnosed with kidney disorders and infections, many times consecutive visits to the E.R. in the same week. Boom, ONE adjustment for blood to flow properly again like God designed us and he's healed. Who knew?

In the past few days, I have seen my husband with color again. His appetite IS back and we are hopeful that weight will find him quickly. I am finding myself dream again of our future and how prosperous we can be TOGETHER. The year 2011 was definitely monumental for me. I felt one on one with God where He taught me that although I am stronger than I realized, it's also ok to draw strength from Him and his people in time of need. It's ok NOT to have it altogether and show vulnerability. Pastor Paul at church this past summer did a series on the Generousity Revolution. He said that God desires his people to be generous and give. BUT if we are in a season where we cannot give then we need to be reassured that there's generousity to be had. This hit me as if God whispered it into MY ear. This year has also been the first year of our marriage (going on 10) where we have finally given God first place financially. Afterall, everything we have comes from him, why shouldn't we show gratitude and give back first. Josh at church once said, "I dare you to give more than you ever have. Put God first. See what happens. If you find yourself in need, we will give it back. But I bet you will find yourself in a place where God sheds light on His fruit and you will be more blessed than ever." Josh, you were SO right and I'm so thankful for your leadership on this journey. Be blessed. I know we are. Happy New Year.

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